I’m going to set a goal and get over this stupid depressing phase in my life and stop being sad and angry and confused and hurt and I’ll show the people who walked out on me that I am just fine without them.
I still feel uneasy about writing about my future plans even if it’s just for myself to read. I’m almost scared that if I write it down or say it out loud it won’t happen. It’s stupid, really, but that means I need something to write about and maybe writing about the past can help me understand myself better and look at things that happen to me when I was a lot younger and analyze them with a more mature perspective and maybe to let go of things and move on.
So this is my assignment. To write about all the incidents that affected me, from both the perspectives of past me and present me, and to write it properly. Not just the random brainstorm bullshit I’ve been pulling with this journal - that’s only okay with current feelings - but clear constructed pieces. Doing this will make me reflect on myself better as I would’ve put time and effort and spent time thinking and remembering the exact details and how I felt at the time.
It’s like a psychologist visit, only minus the long wait for the appointment, and the traveling back and forth, and the pity stares they give you and their stupid effort to convince that you’re a wonderful person and apparently that will make you feel better despite the lack of evidence and the holding back of your tears because you just don’t cry in front of people you don’t know nothing about and they are just being paid to sit there and listen to you with pity eyes.
Yeah I think I made my point.
So in conclusion it’s good venting and I don’t have to be ashamed because it’s between me and myself so yay.
Feels a little lonely though..